


To All The Girls I've Loved Before

by compulsivepoetics



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Angst and Feels, Bonbekah, Bonlena, Bonora, Crushes, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt, Exes, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Fluff, Girls Kissing, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Jealousy, Kissing in the Rain, Lesbian Bonnie Bennett, Love Letters, Love Triangles, Romantic Tension, Secrets, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compulsivepoetics/pseuds/compulsivepoetics
Summary: Bonnie Bennett is a sixteen year old who writes letters to girls she has loved. She's written five in her life but never mailed them, until one day, all of them get sent.Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Bonnie Bennett & Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett & Caroline Forbes & Tyler Lockwood, Bonnie Bennett & Damon Salvatore & Original Bennett Character(s), Bonnie Bennett/Elena Gilbert, Bonnie Bennett/Nora Hildegard, Bonnie Bennett/Rebekah Mikaelson, Minor Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore - Relationship, Nora Hildegard/Mary Louise, minor Bonnie Bennett/Katherine Pierce, minor Caroline Forbes/Tyler Lockwood - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	To All The Girls I've Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

> Confession: I've never watched the movie or read the books. The premise, however, intrigued me and I wanted to see if I could make it work for Bonnie. I did read through all of the book plots and watched some clips so the story will be based off those, especially in the beginning.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

【１】

𝓘t was hard in the beginning. Mom got engaged, and suddenly I had an older overprotective stepbrother bossing me around. I mean, I've always been the eldest, and then within a blink of an eye that title's stripped from me? Okay, so maybe it wasn't in a blink of an eye. Mom and Steve had been dating for years before they got married. Back then I thought of Damon as an annoying, mean cousin that I had to hang out with while our parents went on dates. We didn't always get along. In fact, we hated each other at first.

Or at least I hated him. Nalia on the other hand, adored him from the beginning. She wouldn’t shut up for weeks about the possibility of Damon becoming our brother. It annoyed me a lot at first. Why was she so eager for another sibling when we’d been doing just fine with the two of us? Plus, Damon was really standoffish in the beginning. He never wanted to participate in movie night. Or catch fireflies on late summer nights. He would just read his books he brought in a corner by himself. He was very sarcastic, cocky and he made fun of everything I did.

That quickly changed when I was in sixth grade and he was in eighth. I was walking home from middle school when Riley Gordon started bothering me.

‘ _Hey! Bonnie! I heard you and Matt Donovan kissed behind the bleachers today!’_

_I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Matt was just telling me how bummed he was that his mom had left on a ‘trip’ again and he didn’t know when she’d be coming back. ‘No we didn’t!’_

_He blocked my path. ‘Then why were ya back there so long?’_

_‘Get out of my way Gordon.’_

_‘Make me. Did you let em grab your boo-‘_

_Riley was suddenly grabbed, and held in the air by his shirt. I gasped, and looked up to see my savior. It was Damon. ‘I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you, twerp.’_

_‘Hey, let me go, asshole!’_

_Damon tightened his grip, raising him a little higher. ‘Tell her you’re sorry!’_

_‘Y-you don’t tell me w-what ta do!’_

_He tightened his grip, making Riley to begin to squirm more in his grip. ‘Ow Ow! Okay! Okay! I’m s-sorry! Okay? I’m sorry Bonnie! Please stop!’_

_‘Don’t ever mess with my sister again, half-pint.’ He threw him to the ground. Riley, scrambled to his feet, tripping over himself before getting up and running away. I stared up at him in wonder but he stared back in concern._

_‘You alright?’_

_I nodded. ‘Riley’s just a stupid boy. I can handle myself.’_

_‘Well, I’m your older brother. It’s my job to scare creeps like him off.’_

Ever since then, I saw Damon differently. I realized his teasing was in good fun, not mean spirited. I noticed he really took time with Nalia and all of her whims. Even playing dolls and tea party on occasion. He always seemed to know when something was bothering me, never hesitating to lend his ear.

He was the first person I came out to some years after that. I didn’t really know what to expect. We’d had grown really close at this point but I didn’t know how he’d react. But when he smiled and pulled me into his chest, whispering ‘how everything was going to be okay’ and ‘how proud of me he was’... I knew I had made the right decision.

I tried to explain it to Nalia a couple of days later, with jittery nerves. I was so worried it was going to confuse her and I would have to over explain and then explain some more but I should’ve known better because her response was, _‘why are talking to me like a baby? I already knew this.'_

_I was taken back. ‘How d-did you know?’_

_She shrugged, ‘you’re always singing that you kissed a girl and you liked it.’_

_I shook my head. ‘That’s just a song.’_

_She looked up at me skeptically. ‘So you don’t want to kiss girls?’_

_I blushed and then stammered. ‘Well- I, I’m meanmaybe? Yes?' Nalia smiled at me as if I was a toddler who formed her first broken sentence._

_‘Then that means you like girls, silly.’ She then looked up at me expectantly. ‘Can we play dolls now?’_

_I couldn’t stop my chuckles as I slid onto the floor next to her, grabbing a Barbie. I still had one more question, to be sure. ‘So how do you feel about me liking girls?’ I ask casually, while combing the dolls’ hair._

_‘Fine..just don’t let a girl break your heart like boys do.’ She looked up at me with big doe green eyes. ‘I don’t ever wanna see you sad like in the movies.’ Even though she was incredibly intuitive and smart, she was still just a sweet, innocent little girl._

_I bite my lip with a smile as I pulled her in a tight hug. ‘Don’t worry, munchkin. There’s no danger of that.” We pulled back and played dolls for the next couple of hours._

That was two years ago and a lot has changed since then.

‘Cmon kids! It’s grub time.’ I hear Steve call from downstairs, and suddenly Nalia was at my bedroom door with a sour expression, and a pillow braced in her hands. I raised a brow.

She huffed in annoyance. ‘You were scheduled to be in my room ten minutes ago. We’re supposed to hang out.’

‘Oh sorry, munchkin. I guess I spaced out.’

‘You’re always spaced out.’ She deadpanned. ‘What were you daydreaming about anyway?’

I opened my mouth to respond, but then Damon was behind her with a teasing glint in his eye. ‘Probably something along the lines of unicorns, glitter and bubblegum. Guarantee there’s nothing else going on in there.’

I smiled evilly. ‘Actually I was thinking about how your girlfriend told me you’ve been having a hard time getting your Chu Chu train to well… _Chu chu_.’ It’s a total lie. We both know. As if I’d ever talk to her about Damon’s _thing_. But considering his ego, it’s enough to annoy him.

Nalia looked up at him, confused. ‘You have a train?’

His jaw clenched as his eyes flickered down to the pillow in Nalias hands. He swiped it and chucked it at my face, hard. I quickly recovered. He threw Nalia over his shoulder and ran downstairs as I scrambled to get out of my bed. ‘Damon, you ass!’

‘Language!’ I hear my mom yell out from somewhere in the house as I took the stairs two at a time.

Damon stood by the front door with Nalia held up in front of him as a shield. ‘Now you wouldn’t hurt the kid, just to get to me, would ya Bon Bon?’

I cocked a brow, pillow raised. ‘Wanna bet?’

Nalia squirmed in his grip. ‘Hey! I don’t wanna to be a causality! _Mom_!’

Suddenly, the door opened and Elena Gilbert walked in, pausing at the scene before her. She hesitantly closed the door behind her with an amused smile. ‘Everything okay here?’

Nalia shot her an exasperated expression. ‘Does it look okay?’ She pulled at Damon’s hands defiantly. ‘They’re clearly trying to make me a casualty of war! Mom!’

‘Bonnie, Damon- please free Nalia from her captivity so she can help me set the table!’ Mom laughed from the kitchen. Damon set her down on her feet. The small brunette stomped on one of his before running away laughing.

‘Ow! You’re going to pay for that, shortcake!’

Elena giggled, stepping up to him. ‘Hi.’

He smiled, leaning down. ‘Hi.’ He whispered against her lips before capturing them in a brief kiss. I glanced away. They pulled apart and then Damon was making his way into the kitchen with a smirk, no doubt to exact revenge on Nalia. It was now just me and Elena.

‘Hey, Bon.’ She came over and pulled me into a hug. I sighed internally at the smell of her hair. Elena’s hair always smelled good.

She pulled back with a grin and went to the kitchen. I sighed and followed suit.

•••

‘What are you over there daydreaming about now? Coach Saunders’ legs?’ I blushed at Elena’s quirked brow before throwing a roll at him.

Steve came in with the roast, with Mom following behind him. ‘Damon, aren’t you getting a little old to be still antagonizing your sister like this?’ He poked playfully, while setting the food down at the center of the table.

Damon shrugged carelessly with a lazy smile, while passing Elena her plate. ‘I’m just getting in all I can before I leave-‘

‘La la la...’ Nalia immediately began the habit she’s developed the last couple of weeks when it finally sunk in that Damon was really leaving home.

‘Okay!’ Damon held his hands up in surrender, before his face softened. ‘But it’s not going to change anything, kiddo.’

Nalia just stuck her tongue out at him in response before mouthing a spoonful of peas.

‘Baby, he’s right.’ Mom said from across the table with a concerned look. ‘Maybe, it’d be better if we talked about it, especially since he won’t be-‘

‘Ixnay.’ Damon mumbled under his breath, giving her a pointed look.

She tilted her head before recognition overcame her features. ‘You didn’t tell them, did you?’

‘Tell us what?’ I ask, curious about the exchange between the two.

There was silence.

Steve sighed. ‘He won’t be home for Thanksgiving.’

‘What!?’ Nalia and I said at once, before turning to Damon who had the decency to look sheepish.

‘Cmon girls,’ Steve began, clasping his hands over his plate. ‘The boy is going to _Italy_. It’s not exactly a hop, skip and a jump away.’

‘This is sucks!’ Nalia pushed herself from the table and stomped into the living room.

Damon moved to get up but Mom beat him to it, grabbing his arm with a smile. ‘I’ve got it.’ He nodded, watching her leave before his eyes shifted to me. A question was in them.

‘I agree with her.’ I start, ‘but I’m not mad at you. You’re literally leaving in almost twenty-four hours, I don’t have the luxury to be mad at you anymore.’

‘That’s the spirit, Bonnie-rabbit.’ Steve says forking a piece of roast into his mouth.

A moment later a less visibly upset Nalia trailed in behind Mom. Damon straightened in his seat, watching her. ‘I’m sorry I yelled.’ He quickly got up from the table walking over to embrace her.

‘Don’t sweat it, shortstack.’

She pulled back, looking down. ‘It’s just…Thanksgiving is for family and you’re gonna be all alone in Italy.’

‘Actually,’ I turned to see Elena rummaging through her purse. ‘Since we’re on the subject…’ she pulled out a folded paper, handing it across the table to Damon, biting her lip. ‘I have something for you.’

‘What’s this?’ He asked with interest, taking it from her. He began unfolding it. I leaned up to try to get a peek. His brows shot up to his hairline as he looked it over. ‘They’re plane tickets...to Italy.’ My eyes widened in surprise. Elena bought tickets to Italy? She never mentioned that.

The brunette in question was practically bursting with excitement. ‘Surprise! When you decided on going to Italy, I decided to book a flight in November so you won’t have to spend Thanksgiving alone. Now we can be together.’ She sighed happily.

I couldn’t stop my own small smile. Elena always was a hopeless romantic. I looked back up at Damon to see he had a pained expression on his face, and he wasn’t meeting any of our eyes. He gripped the back of Nalia’s chair.

Elena frowned, shoulders deflating, ‘what’s wrong?’

‘Elena, we need to talk.’ He said with a tight, regretful smile. What was going on?

There was an awkward silence, before she nodded absentmindedly- getting up from her chair. ‘Okay.’ Her voice was small. I tried to meet her eyes, but she was too busy trying to meet his. They went out to the back patio, leaving us to our own devices.

‘So...’ Nalia began circling her plate with her spoon. ‘Can I have his room?’

•••

I watched Damon and Elena talk from my window. It looked pretty intense and she looked like she was crying. I walked to my bed to give them some privacy.

I walk around my room without a purpose before realizing I had ended up in my closet. I moved to the back of my closet and pulled my purple box from the back for the shelf. I sat down on the floor and got comfortable. My fingers ran over the bedazzled lid, heart humming at what was beneath it.

Oh, yeah. That thing Nalia said a few years back about not letting a girl break my heart? Well, that wasn’t going so smooth. Not to say my heart was actual being broken, more like it just felt like it was going to burst at a moments notice, one of these days.

You see, I have a crush. And it’s a big one. I mean a _big_ one. 

That crush came in the form of my step-brother’s girlfriend.

But really, the crush isn’t so wrong. I mean, she was my girlfriend first. Well, emphasis on the friend part of the equation. But none the less, Bonnie and Elena existed way before Damon and Elena ever did.

She’d live next door for as long as I can remember. We did everything together. Ride our bikes all day through the neighbor hood. Have sleepovers and tell each other scary stories. She was there when I broke my arm, after I fell off the trampoline and I had to wear a cast on my arm for six weeks when I was ten. Of course, she was the first to sign it. She even put a heart by her name. But that was ages ago.

When I first realized they were interested in each other. I was terrified, angry and even hurt. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. But Damon being the amazing guy he was knew that. He’d make sure I was included on almost everything that they did. We’d go skating, out to eat and even to the movies together.

We would always have fun and I appreciated the gestures but I still couldn’t help feeling like a third wheel. It was strange seeing them together. Elena and I used to make fun of the stupid cologne Damon used to douse himself in when we were younger, and now it was like pheromones to her. It was weird seeing them kiss, hug or hold hands. I know they were in a literal relationship but it was something I could never fully wrap my head around.

Maybe it was my own confusing feelings for her that made me felt that way.

Nonetheless, I eventually grew to accept them. They made each other happy. And despite what I felt, that’s all I truly cared about.

But, unfortunately, that didn’t stop my feelings for her. I tried to suppress them but they just got worse to the point where sometimes I couldn’t even be around her or him. They were such intense and nearly overwhelming feelings that I had to get out of my head and express them in a way that wouldn’t hurt anybody that I loved.

So I wrote her a letter. I wrote her a long letter. I wrote her all of the things that I had been keeping bottled up the past few years and more. I wrote her all the things I admired about her. All of the things, she made me feel. I wrote her about how I wished I couldn’t have been brave enough to tell her how I felt before Damon got to her. How I wished I could kiss her long and hard.

And after I finally got all of those things out of my head, I could breathe. I could be around them and genuinely feel happy for them. My feelings for Elena never fully went away but I was no longer controlled by them. Writing letters help me cope. So does rereading them. It made me feel empowered because even if I can’t be honest with my crushes, at the very least…I can be honest with myself.

I have five letters in all:

 _Katherine_ from camp;

 _Nora_ from eighth grade;

 _Caroline_ from Homecoming;

 _Rebekah_ from Model UN;

And _Elena_.

No one knew about these letters. They were my most precious secrets that I keep with care in the very back of my closet. God, if Damon knew I really did some of the cliche girly crap that he’s always accusing me of…he’d have a field day. He’d get a real kick out of reading every letter while I blushed and fought to get them back. Well…maybe not every letter.

I jumped at the sudden sound of his footsteps heading towards my room, shoving my box under my bed. He stepped in, with worn blue eyes.

I frowned. ‘Hey.’

’Sup.’ He drawled, letting the ‘p’ end with a hard pop, as he crashed onto my bed. I crawled onto it, laying next to him.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask hesitantly.

‘Peachy keen, Bon.’ He smiled sarcastically, staring up at my ceiling.

I bit my lip. ‘What happened out there?’

‘I broke up with Elena.’ He said slowly, as if he couldn’t even believe it himself.

‘You did what?’ I almost roared. How could he do this? Elena’s in love with him. He’s supposed to be in love with her!

‘Don’t look at me with those judgy eyes. You’re supposed to be on _my_ side.’ He complained with a glare.

‘I can’t be on your side if you broke her heart, Damon.’ I said helplessly. He was silent after that. Just staring up at my ceiling. ‘Why’d you do it?’

‘I’m going to college, Bon.’ He exasperated as if that explained it all. ‘In Italy of all places. Elena…she still has two years left and I just don’t want her to wait on me.’

‘Wait on you? You can still be together, whether you’re in Italy or Antartica, Damon. Trust me, Elena could deal with a long-distance relationship.’ His features changed and then I realized. ‘But you can’t.’

‘I want to live my life and I want her to live hers.’

‘Just not together?’ I concluded.

‘Yeah…’ He said quietly. I nodded, trying to process. I just never thought Damon would break up with her. If anything, I always thought it would be vise-versa if it ever happened. It was a surreal feeling. Probably even more intense for them.

‘Okay.’ I say finally.

He glanced at me. ‘You’re not going to shit talk me with her while I’m gone, are you?’

I crack a smile. ‘It’s practically customary.’

‘Just don’t let her throw me too down in the dumps.’

My eyes softened. ‘Elena wouldn’t do that.’

‘You didn’t see how mad she was.’

‘Well what do you expect, Damon? You just broke her heart. She deserves to be upset but more than anything she’s hurt.’

‘I know.’ He looked back over at me. ‘Are you going over there?’

‘No,’ I shake my head. ‘You’re my brother and I only have twelve hours left with you and that’s including sleeping hours. Elena…Elena can wait.’ He smiled, pulling me into his side.

•••

‘Alright! Load up, gang! That’s everything.” Steve said closing the front door of our house, keys bouncing in his hands.

I watch Damon glance across the yard at Elena who was watching from the screen door of her house. I couldn’t believe two years together led up to this? Damon has always been a bit of a womanizer, but I really thought him and Elena were going to be it. At least it seemed that way. He got in the car and poke his head out of the window with a frown.

‘Cmon Bon Bon.’

•••

‘And if you’re going to be... _adventurous_.’ Steve exasperated, hand firm on Damon’s shoulder. ‘Son, please use protection.’ We were at the airport saying our final goodbyes. Mom put on a brave face and Nalia practically soaked through the bottom tail of Damon’s shirt with her tears. But after he took her aside and talked her down, promising to Skype her regularly as well as write her pen pal letters ‘like in the movies’...she was okay.

‘Protection?’ Nalia echoed with her brows furrowed cutely.

‘ _Protection_ ,’ I interjected, shooting a look at Steve. ‘from all those Italian girls that’ll be falling all over themselves.’

Her nose crinkled in disgust. ‘Over Damon? Gross...’ 

He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘ _Mean_.’ She smiled innocently, batting her lashes. He shook his head before turning to me. I was the only one who hadn’t given him aproper goodbye yet.

‘We’ll give you kids a minute.’ Steve said before pulling Mom and Nalia away.

‘So I guess I’ll miss you.’

I nodded. ‘Guess I’ll miss you too.’

‘Cool, we done here?’ I scoffed as he tried to walk past me. I pulled him back. His blue eyes danced with amusement.

I punched his arm playfully. ‘Don’t like, come back with an annoying Italian accent, okay?’

He smirked, folding his arms. ‘Well now I have to.’ He looked serious. ‘Take care of Nalia. The kid is more fragile than she acts, you know?’

I smiled. ‘I know and I will.’

‘And you uh, stay safe out there.’ I titled my head in confusion, so he continued. ‘Those Mystic Fall girls are vultures. You’re getting-‘ He paused, awkwardly. ‘Um, more...attractive.’

‘Okay…’ I say with a grimace.

‘I’m just saying. Things should be interesting this year. I’ve seen interested parties’ eyes wander.’

‘Yeah, right.’

‘Hey- Bonnie.’ He looked her in the eyes with sincerity. ‘You’re a beautiful girl. Own it.’

‘Thanks, Damon.’ I tuck some hair behind my ear with a sigh. ‘but I’m not looking for a girlfriend.’

He shrugged. ‘We’re not always looking. Besides, considering you almost rolled in the sack this summer with that hottie from camp-“

‘ _Damon_!’ I hissed hotly, feeling my cheeks burn. ‘I told you to never bring that up!’

He just smiled down at me, shaking his head in amazement. ‘God, I’m going to miss this.’ I frown, remembering this is supposed to be a goodbye.

I didn’t want to say goodbye. He’d become one of my best friends and the best brother a girl could ever wish for. It hurt to say goodbye.

He cocked a brow. ‘You’re not gonna pull the waterworks on me, are you Bon Bon?’

I snort, despite myself. ‘You wish.’

His expression turned somber as he stared at me. He engulfed me into a tight bear hug. ‘I love you, Bonnie.’

A tear slipped from my eye, that I quickly wiped, wrapping my arms around him. ‘I love you too, Damon.’ We stood there a moment longer before his flight was being called out. He pulled back, patting me on the shoulder, just as everyone returned.

‘That’s me.’ He picked his bags off the ground, poised to leave.

‘Damon.’ Steve stopped him. I looked down to see he was gripping Mom’s hand.

‘I’m proud of you, son.’ A smile crinkled his features, his blue eyes seeming to get a little misty as he nodded.

‘Bye, dad.’ I could see Mom trying to stop her own eyes from watering as she smiled widely. Damon gave us all one last once over before taking a breath. He turned around and walked without another word. We watched him in silence until he disappeared around a corner.

‘Do you think he’ll change his mind?’ Nalia looked up at me with hopeful eyes. I squeezed her into my side with sympathy.

‘Does that sound like Damon to you?’ I try to joke, but she only looked down with a sad frown. We stayed until we saw his plane taking off, carrying him across the Atlantic, to a whole nother world.

Nalia was the first to speak. ‘Since I had to lose my brother...does this mean I can get a hamster now?’ Mom narrowed her eyes, shaking her head as they began to walk away. ‘A fish?’

I laugh and dragged her along to follow them.

Yeah, Damon. Things should be interesting this year.

**Author's Note:**

> R&R. Follow me on Tumblr @compulsivepoetics 
> 
> We can yell about this fic or any pairings I write about :)


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